Projection as Confession: Unveiling the Inner Self Through External Conflicts
Art by Odilon Redon
Have you ever found yourself deeply irritated by someone’s behavior, only to later realize that what bothered you was a reflection of something within yourself? It’s a humbling experience that reveals how our judgments often say more about us than about the people we’re judging. There’s a saying that when we understand every opinion is shaped by our personal history, we begin to see that all judgment reveals something about ourselves. This idea invites us to consider that the battles we fight externally might actually be proxies for the inner work we’re avoiding—a phenomenon sometimes referred to as spiritual bypassing.
Projection is a psychological defense mechanism first introduced by Sigmund Freud, where a person attributes their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, or impulses onto someone else, often a perceived adversary. Carl Jung expanded on this concept with his idea of the “shadow self,” the unconscious aspects of our personality that we deem undesirable and therefore repress. When we project, we’re essentially casting our shadow onto others, seeing in them what we refuse to acknowledge in ourselves.
This tendency is often reinforced by confirmation bias—our inclination to favor information that confirms our existing beliefs while disregarding evidence that challenges or contradicts them. When we project our disowned traits onto others, confirmation bias leads us to interpret their actions in ways that validate our projections. This selective attention toward what we want to believe regardless of evidence reinforces our belief and makes it harder to see the person, situation, and ourselves, objectively.
When I experience a strong, negative gut reaction toward someone, something or a situation, I’ve learned to pause and run that feeling through a personal filter. I ask myself whether I am being judgmental or simply observing. I consider if there is a part of my reaction that highlights an unresolved aspect of my own shadow. This introspective practice helps me discern whether my response is rooted in personal insecurities or genuine observations. For example, if I find myself feeling irritated by someone who is overly critical, I consider whether there’s a part of me that is also critical—perhaps toward myself or others—that I’ve not fully acknowledged. This reflection often uncovers areas where I need to cultivate more compassion or address my own tendencies. By doing so, I transform what could have been an external judgment into an opportunity for personal growth, introspection and understanding.
More often than not, our judgments and prejudices can be seen as unintentional confessions, revealing our inner struggles and unresolved issues. When we react strongly to certain traits or actions in others, it’s often because they resonate with something within us—something we’ve suppressed or haven’t fully integrated. We may not even resemble the things that irritate us, but our reactions could stem from unresolved trauma or the desire to feel superior—an ego trap. Admitting that we possess these undesirable traits can stir up an internal conflict known as cognitive dissonance. This psychological discomfort arises when our beliefs clash with our actions or when we hold conflicting values. To ease this uneasy feeling without facing the tough truth, we might end up criticizing others even more or avoiding situations altogether. As Carl Jung aptly said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
This struggle with cognitive dissonance often propels us toward coping mechanisms that allow us to maintain our self-image without addressing the underlying issues. One such mechanism is spiritual bypassing, a term coined by psychologist John Welwood. Spiritual bypassing refers to the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with unresolved emotional issues and psychological wounds. It’s a form of escapism where individuals hide behind a façade of spirituality to sidestep the messy, often uncomfortable process of self-examination and healing. By immersing ourselves in meditation, positive affirmations, or other spiritual practices, we might believe that focusing solely on the light will eliminate feelings of anxiety, resentment, or other difficult emotions. Instead of confronting past traumas, we convince ourselves we are above such “negative” feelings. In reality, we may be using spirituality to bypass the inner work we desperately need to do. Unresolved issues continue to manifest in subtle ways, affecting relationships and overall well-being. Engaging in spiritual bypassing allows us to avoid the discomfort of cognitive dissonance by maintaining a consistent self-image without reconciling the disparities between our beliefs and behaviors.
By projecting our issues onto others and engaging in spiritual bypassing, we hinder our personal growth. Unresolved internal conflicts don’t disappear; they manifest in our behaviors, relationships, and overall well-being. We may find ourselves repeatedly facing the same challenges, stuck in patterns that seem beyond our control. This avoidance also impacts our relationships. Projection can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of genuine connection. When we don’t see others clearly—obscured by the shadows of our projections—we can’t fully engage with them authentically. On a societal level, widespread projection contributes to polarization and division. When groups project their disowned traits onto others, it fosters an “us versus them” mentality, impeding empathy and cooperation. Have you noticed how debates on social media often devolve into personal attacks? It’s as if we’re collectively projecting our frustrations onto strangers rather than addressing the underlying issues within ourselves.
The journey toward self-awareness begins with recognizing our projections. It requires honesty, humility, and the courage to face parts of ourselves we’d rather ignore. Paying attention to our strong reactions to others, we can ask ourselves what these feelings might reveal about our own insecurities or unresolved issues. Engaging in mindfulness practices like meditation and journaling helps cultivate greater awareness of our thoughts and emotions. Opening up to trusted friends or professionals can offer objective perspectives on our behaviors and patterns. Accepting that it’s okay to have flaws and that acknowledging them is a sign of strength, not weakness, allows us to embrace vulnerability. I found that journaling helped me identify patterns in my reactions. By writing down my thoughts and feelings after a challenging encounter, I began to see recurring themes that pointed back to my own insecurities. This process of self-reflection not only highlighted areas where confirmation bias was at play but also helped me confront the cognitive dissonance arising from discrepancies between my self-image and my behaviors.
Authentic spiritual growth involves both ascending to higher states of consciousness and descending into the depths of our psyche to heal and understand ourselves. It’s a balance of embracing the light and facing the darkness within. This process can be challenging but ultimately liberating. True spirituality encompasses all aspects of the human experience, not just the pleasant ones. By confronting our cognitive dissonance head-on, we allow ourselves to experience the full spectrum of human emotions, facilitating deeper healing. This means not shying away from uncomfortable feelings but using them as signals pointing toward areas that need attention. To overcome spiritual bypassing, we must acknowledge our humanity by accepting that spiritual growth doesn’t exempt us from experiencing pain, anger, or other difficult emotions. Engaging in inner healing involves addressing past traumas, unresolved conflicts, and repressed emotions through therapy, support groups, or personal development work. Practicing compassion by cultivating empathy toward ourselves and others recognizes that everyone is on their own journey of healing and growth.
When we do the inner work, we not only transform ourselves but also influence the world around us. Our relationships improve as we engage with others more authentically. We become less reactive, more understanding, and better equipped to contribute positively to society. Moreover, as we reduce our own projections, we can engage in external causes with greater clarity and effectiveness. Our actions become rooted in genuine concern and compassion rather than unconscious avoidance. Recognizing and addressing confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance in ourselves enhances our ability to connect authentically with others. We become more open-minded and less likely to make snap judgments, fostering empathy and understanding.
Imagine if each of us took responsibility for our own healing. How might that change our interactions with others? Perhaps we would listen more and judge less, fostering a more empathetic and connected community. Understanding that our judgments, ideologies, beliefs, or ideas are confessions of our inner struggles is a profound realization. It shifts our focus from changing others to transforming ourselves. As we embark on this journey of self-discovery, we peel back layers of conditioning, heal old wounds, and embrace the fullness of who we are. This path isn’t easy. It requires courage to face uncomfortable truths and persistence to navigate the complexities of our inner world. But the rewards—greater self-awareness, deeper connections, and a more compassionate existence—are well worth the effort. By actively working to identify and overcome our biases, we create a more accurate and compassionate understanding of ourselves and others. This self-awareness diminishes the need for projection and reduces the internal conflicts that give rise to cognitive dissonance.
By turning inward, we not only liberate ourselves from the chains of projection and spiritual bypassing but also contribute to a more understanding and empathetic world. As the poet Rumi wisely noted, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” Next time you find yourself quick to judge or passionately opposing someone else’s viewpoint, pause and consider how confirmation bias or cognitive dissonance might be influencing your reaction. Embrace the opportunity to look within, to understand yourself better, and to grow. In doing so, you not only take a significant step toward personal freedom but also contribute to a more harmonious world.