“There Can Be Only One." That’s the tagline from the classic '80s fantasy-action movie Highlander, starring Sir Sean Connery, a Scotsman playing a Spanish immortal with a Scottish accent named Ramirez, and Connor MacLeod, a Highlander and namesake of the film franchise, played by Christopher Lambert, a Frenchman playing a Scotsman. Then there's the villainous Kurgan, a murderous immortal who kills Ramirez, robbing Connor of his friend and mentor and giving him the motivation he needs to defeat this “final boss” to claim the Prize and fulfill the prophecy that "There Can Be Only One."

It’s this line and idea in the movie that is both awesome and absurd, yet so ingrained in human nature, that our self-worth and identity are wrapped up in the need to be the best or worst at something, to achieve some linear accomplishment above all others. This is what I call the Highlander Paradox—a fundamental aspect of human nature where the ego relentlessly pursues validation through superiority or relentless and often unnecessary competition.

The belief that "There Can Be Only One" resonates deeply with our internal desires for recognition and distinction. It feeds into the idea that our value is determined by being the very best or the very worst at something, whether it’s physical appearance, intelligence, wealth, or any other trait we deem significant. This mindset creates a linear attitude towards worthiness, where one's sense of self-worth is directly tied to their perceived strength or trait. It's not just about being good at something; it's about being unparalleled. In the Highlander universe, immortals engage in endless combat, each striving to be the last one standing. This fierce competition is an allegory for how people often behave in real life. Whether it's being the most beautiful, the smartest, the most successful, or even the most victimized, many individuals feel compelled to stand out above all others. This is the Highlander Paradox—a belief that to be truly recognized and valued, one must be unparalleled. This mindset is not just unrealistic but also detrimental to personal growth and relationships. Striving to be the absolute best or worst in any domain is an impossible standard that leads to constant stress and dissatisfaction. Excellence is subjective, and the dynamic nature of life means that today's achievements may be irrelevant tomorrow. By focusing on singular supremacy, individuals miss out on the richness that diversity and collaboration bring.

When people tie their self-worth to being the most successful, attractive, or any other superlative, they set themselves up for an unending cycle of competition. This can create an environment where others are seen as threats rather than allies, fostering a culture of rivalry rather than one of mutual support. The Highlander mindset erodes the foundation of healthy relationships. Friends and colleagues become competitors rather than collaborators. The drive to outshine others can lead to undermining and sabotage, ultimately damaging personal and professional relationships. This toxic competition creates a hostile environment where people are reluctant to celebrate others' successes.

Sometimes, our closest friends or colleagues can become highly competitive with us. We’ve all known someone who turns everything into an unnecessary competition. If you’re doing really well at work, they are doing better. If you’re sick, they are sicker. If you have an amazing recipe, their’s is the best. If you have a headache, they have a migraine, and so on. It’s a need to one-up or one-down someone—as if another person experiencing the same thing or something similar somehow takes away or invalidates your own experience, struggles, or achievements. While some competition is healthy and can help us grow, the extreme desire to be the best or worst can lead to an obsession. This myopic sense of self-importance focuses so much on being the most special flower in the garden that one cannot acknowledge or tolerate others who also have a right to bloom. As Zen philosophy teaches us, "A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms." Yet, when it comes to the complexities of being human, the ego often compels us to compare ourselves constantly. We become trapped in a cycle of proving that we're more special than anyone else. I've had friends who make everything competitive—if I'm having a bad day, theirs is worse; if someone says something nice about me, it's because they must be too intimidating, pretty, or accomplished to get the compliment. This kind of constant competition is exhausting and childish. It’s a behavior we might expect in children and teenagers as they clumsily learn to "play nice" with others and navigate their own insecurities and curiosities. However, when this competitive drive becomes obsessive and exclusionary in adults, reaching the Highlander Phenomenon of needing to be the most special individual, it becomes unhealthy. Well-adjusted people recognize this trait within themselves and actively work on overcoming it.

Psychologists might reference Leon Festinger's Social Comparison Theory, which suggests that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they compare to others. This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and heightened competitive behavior as people strive to either match or surpass their peers. Carl Rogers’ theory of Self-Concept would also be relevant, emphasizing that an individual's perception of themselves plays a crucial role in their behavior and interactions. When self-worth is tied to being superior in some domain, it can lead to unhealthy competition and relational issues. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs could provide insight into how the pursuit of validation becomes ego-driven rather than intrinsically motivated. While self-actualization involves personal growth and fulfillment, an ego-driven quest for superiority can hinder this process and lead to anxiety and dissatisfaction.

Still from the movie *Highlander*, with Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert

While the Highlander Paradox often sees people racing to the top of some imaginary victory, there are those who race to the bottom, becoming competitive and territorial over their perceived grievances. They strive to be the most misunderstood, the most outcast, the most victimized. For some reason, victimhood has become a badge of honor in the social media landscape, pushing narratives that don't encourage growth or self-improvement but rather demand complete acceptance and exaltation for one's chosen badge of victimhood. This phenomenon can be seen in various social movements, where the most victimized individuals claim victory not through overcoming adversity but through their depth of suffering.. This, too, is a manifestation of the Highlander Paradox—where the need to be the most something, even the most oppressed, becomes a source of misguided validation. By glorifying victimhood, we risk undermining the true essence of growth and resilience, instead fostering a culture where suffering is idolized over triumph.

To break free from what I call the Highlander Paradox, we must recognize the value of intrinsic fulfillment over external validation. Imagine a world where we embrace collaboration, understanding that success is not a zero-sum game. By working together, we can achieve greater things and form more meaningful connections. Think of how much richer our lives could be if we celebrated the unique strengths and qualities of those around us, rather than viewing them as competition. Take a moment to consider personal growth not as a race but as a journey. When we measure our success by our own progress and development, rather than comparing ourselves to others, we find satisfaction in our achievements. Mindfulness practices can help us cultivate self-awareness, reducing the influence of the ego and allowing us to see our worth independent of others' successes or failures. In fostering a supportive community, we create an environment where mutual encouragement is the norm. Celebrating collective successes and fostering a culture of inclusivity can transform how we perceive our own worth and the worth of those around us.

The Highlander Paradox highlights a destructive cycle of ego-driven competition that undermines personal growth and healthy relationships. By shifting our focus from being the best to fostering collaboration and celebrating diversity, we can create a more supportive and enriching environment for ourselves and those around us. Recognizing that we don't need to outshine others to be valued frees us from the constraints of the ego and allows us to grow in more meaningful ways. Just like in the movie, where the endless battles lead to nothing but isolation and destruction, our own lives can become richer and more fulfilling when we embrace the value of togetherness and shared success. After all, Connor had Ramirez until that bastard Kurgan struck him down. Remember, "There Can Be More Than One."